


Feed your demon

by Fragments_And_Possibilities



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angry Sex, Dub-con adjacent, M/M, Self-Hatred, Sexy arrogance, Shadowgast, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Volatile magical boys, post episode: S02E97 The Fancy and the Fooled, whats sexier than wizards NOTHING
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:34:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23027134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fragments_And_Possibilities/pseuds/Fragments_And_Possibilities
Summary: Post episode 97.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 18
Kudos: 347





	Feed your demon

The silence hung.

Essek stared at the floorboards. Sitting, here, on the deck of this ship, he could feel every sway. He hated it. He wanted to remove himself from the sickening physical lurching, but he also didn’t want to draw the attention of his… friends? Captors?

Refusing to look up, he knew Yasha’s eyes were still trained on the back of his neck. He didn’t blame her.

“Mama!”

The sudden gasp from Jester shocked him out of his reverie. The tiefling had clapped her hands to her mouth.

“Jess?” Beauregard was next to her in an instant, hand on her elbow “What happened to your mom?”

“Nothing... well, maybe something! I don’t know because we LEFT HER” she squeaked.

“Oh, Oh shit…” Beau put her other hand on Jesters shoulder, turning them face to face “Jess, it’s okay. She was still performing. We can go back right now and get her...”

“I’m sure she’s so busy lapping up praise. She won’t even have noticed that we left.” Fjord added reassuringly, before adding under his breath “It really was a sight to behold”

Jesters panic instantly refocused on Fjord, cracking into a wild smile

“Fjord… do you want to bone my mom?!” she trilled gleefully

“Whaaaaaaaat, no, what… I mean, she’s very attractive, but…” Fjord stammered, before blurting “Beau couldn’t stop talking about her horniness!”

Beau spluttered “Look man, she’s stunning, and who WOULDN’T?! But also Caduceus did that thing, and there were all the fish… It was… confusing.” She finished, lamely.

“Don’t bring me into this.” Cadeuceus added

This is not where Essek saw this conversation going. He had seen… chains. Tears. Betrayal. Not… this.

“Okay, Jess, we’ll head back now and get your mom. It’ll be fine. And we’ll take her back to the chateu safe and sound.” She cut her eyes to Essek, and then to Caleb “We good here?”

Caleb nodded “We are fine Beauregard.” Sensing Beaus hesitation he added “Go. Go and get Marion before that Lord breaks his way off the balcony and attaches himself to her.”

Yasha wrinkled her nose, pushing off the wall and stepping to Jester “In that case, I am coming with you.”

“Fine. But he” Beau jabbed her finger in Esseks direction “He stays on the ship tonight. Not out of our sight until this deal is done.”

Essek let go a weak bark of laughter

"Where would I go?”

\---

Shortly after Jester, Beau, Fjord and Yasha returned to the party, Caduceus approached Nott...Veth. Their spell had worked, Essek thought, bittersweet. He had not been there to see the results of their combined efforts.

"I think you should go back to the chateau."

"What? Why? What do you know?" She rapidly questioned

"Well, I know that given everything that's happening, your son would appreciate being tucked in by his mother before we are whisked away again. And that his mother would very much like that too."

Veth glanced guiltily at Caleb

"I can't..."

"You can." Caleb Interjected "You should. Our tall friend is correct. Caduceus and I can stay on the boat. And you can send back one of the others when they get back to the Chateau, if you must."

"But..."

"Go home Veth. Be with your family."

Veth looked between Caleb and Essek, before marching up to the drow. With her diminutive stature, she was face to face with him while he sat on the crate.

"Listen up, boyo." She snapped "You may be one of us now, but we're all pretty shitty for trying to run away when it gets tough, and we will not let you, so don't even try it!"

"Veth..." Caleb sighed

"You better believe it, mister." Straightening her gown, she added "Now, I need to go cuddle my boy, and allow my husband to properly appreciate my attire."

With that, Veth swirled on her heel, slamming the door behind her.

"She means good..." Caleb started, before the door slamming back open cut him off

"And if you hurt Caleb and escape, I will hunt you to the end of the earth!" Veth added, before nodding in resolve, and closing the door again.

After a long pause, Caduceus added "I think she's done. And on that note, I think you boys have some things to discuss, so I'm going to go make sure Orly didn't fill our supplies with nothing but jerky. Excuse me."

\--

The silence was back.

Until now, he had revelled in silence with this man. The ability to just exist comfortably in another’s space, while they studied. Essek was never quiet around others. On the outside, yes. His aloof exterior aided in keeping people at arm’s length. But internally? He was never quiet around people. He was calculating. He was assessing their reactions. He was adapting to the situation.

Right now, this silence was deafening him.

“You can leave too. I have nowhere else to be.” He blurted.

“And yet with the magics at your disposal, you could be anywhere but here in an instant.”

Essek laughed bitterly

“Ah, anywhere but here. In my own home? I fear I may never be safe there again. In the great libraries of Tal’Dorei? No… I’m sure they would be willing to give me over for political reasons. Or perhaps basking in the sun of Marquet, drinking from one of those hard-shelled fruits.”

Caleb pushed off the wall, suddenly looking furious

“You think to mock this situation you have placed us all in?”

Something in Essek rose up, defensive, and he found his own feet.

“I did not put you in this situation.”

Caleb crossed his arms, glaring at Essek

“I did not!” the Drow snapped “This started before many of you were even born. You chose to take the beacon. To get involved in this… mess.”

“Yes. We did. The mess.. the _war_ , Essek… that you started.”

Essek snorted in derision “The war would have happened either way.”

“It may. But fire needs oxygen, Essek. Your actions stirred this into what it is today. You have to see that.”

He did, gods he did. He didn't want to. He looked away, folding his arms across his chest.

Caleb walked closer, hands reaching out, palms up. Placating. Gods. Essek didn’t want to be placated.

“I know what you want. What I… what I have… what I do… what I have wanted. You want to learn. You want to understand. But there are always more mysteries, Essek. You solve one question, and a dozen more take its place. You need to know what you are willing to tear down to feed that ravenous monster inside of you.”

“What did you tear down, to feed your own demon?” Essek snarled in retort “You never told me. It must have been bad, to reach your breaking point so young.”

Calebs hands dropped, forming fists clenched at his sides

“It was. Which is how I know; it is not worth it.”

“Wasn’t it? I have seen what you can do. I have seen the potential there, Caleb. You could go so much further.” He knew his need was bleeding through. He could almost taste it, what they could achieve together. The spell for Veth? Had that really taken an afternoon to crack? Together, he knew, they could push the boundaries that shacked them both. He knew he must look crazed.

“Yes.” Caleb replied, steadily. “But I can do it the right way. The right way Essek. Not the fast way. Not the easy way. The right way.”

Essek laughed bitterly “What if this is the only way? For me?”

Calebs demeanour suddenly snapped.

“You will make horrible bargains, sell your soul to lesser wizards for the scraps from their research like a stray begging for scraps? Really? That is the only way for you?” He closed the gap between the two of them. “Then you are _lazy_.”

Caleb punctuated his statement with a prod to Esseks chest

“You are _selfish_.”

Another prod, Essek finding himself stepping back from the onslaught

“You are _ruthlessly_ ambitious”

Caleb stepped forward, driving Essek backwards until he hit the wall

“You did not _think_ through your actions.”

This time Essek’s hand came up to bat away Caleb’s before it could make contact

“Oh I’m so sorry, wise one” he sneered “I am sure you have never followed your own ambition blindly.”

Caleb instantly recoiled, moving to step back, but Essek’s hand curled trapping his wrist and preventing him from pulling away

Losing some of his heat, Caleb tried to disengage from Essek again. “Oh I have. But you… you were meant to be better than me.”

Using his purchase Essek tugged to pull him back forwards.

“Looking in a mirror.” He ground out “Why should I be any better than you?”

“How are you so goddamn intelligent and so stupid at the same time” Caleb spat, reaching out to fist the front of Esseks cloak, shaking him roughly “Did you really think that you would outsmart them all?”

“Yes.” He snarled.

Caleb froze.

“Yes I did. I am _intelligent_. I am _skilled_. I have done nothing, nothing in my entire life but pursue my _passions_. I have practiced. I have dedicated EVERYTHING to this. You came into my life, you got closer than any other individual. You studied with me. I told you, I told you what following this path was to me. And even you, even you didn’t suspect.” Essek jutted his chin out haughtily, as though he wasn’t pinned with his back to the wall, his cloak rumbled by the other man’s fists. He was in control. He was always in control.

“So yes, I think I would have succeeded handsomely.” He finished, arrogantly

Caleb kissed him.

Essek didn’t have time to process. Caleb’s lips were on his, and he was on fire. The fists bunched in his cloak pulled him closer, and then a sudden sway of the ship sent them back into the cabin wall, bodies pressed close.

He was not in control. Not even of his own reaction.

He surged into the kiss, not sure if the noise coming from his throat was a snarl or a moan. He found his hands in the other man’s hair, trying to find purchase.

He had been starving. He hadn’t known.

The kiss ended with them panting, foreheads pressed

"You are so arrogant" Caleb huffed

"No. I'm just that good."

Caleb’s eyes darkened, taking a predatory glint.

"You are." He soothed, sliding a hand along Essek’s cheek and into his hair, stroking it back from his face. Essek shut his eyes, enjoying the gentle touches. Touch starved. Is this what they meant? He had never enjoyed being touched, but he found himself leaning into the petting.

"But..." Essek gasped, eyes flying open as Caleb's hand fisted in the hair just above the nape of his neck, pulling his head back sharply "You need to remember you are mortal. You cannot control everything." Caleb leaned in, whispering in his ear "You are not in control here."

Essek felt the heat like lighting, jolt through his body.

Silence hung between them, and Essek realised Caleb's grip, whilst still tangled in his hair, had slackened, and he was looking at him. Waiting. He knew, the first sign that this was not what he wanted, what he needed, that Caleb would stop. He still had the power here, despite what the other man said. He had... Trust. Safety to let go.

What a foreign experience.

Flashing a brilliant, cocky smile, Essek replied "Yes, sir"

Caleb’s expression darkened and in one move he grabbed one of Essek’s wrists, pinning it to the wall, whilst renewing his other hands grip on his hair. He crowded in to Essek, crushing him against the wall, letting Essek feel him flush against his body.

"None of that. No more games between us."

Essek could barely think.

"No." He agreed

Extracting his hands, Caleb pulled him in to a blistering kiss. Essek couldn't take it. He needed it to stop. He didn't want it to ever stop. He needed more.

Essek gasped as Caleb's kisses trailed down his neck, and he found himself reaching to untie the fastenings at the top of his cloak, loosening the neck and provide the other man with access. Caleb readily tore at the loose material, exposing Esseks neck and collarbone. Rough stubble scraped at his jawline as kisses descended. Teeth scraping off his collarbone made him jolt forward, grinding against the human and earning a carnal groan from the man. He clung to the lapels of Caleb’s jacket. It was too much, he didn’t know what to do with his hands. Caleb’s forehead came to rest on his shoulder, panting.

“Gods, I am so mad at you, Essek.”

Essek swallowed. He knew. He deserved it. He needed it.

“Then be mad at me.”

Caleb reared back, looking at Essek’s face.

“Please.” Essek added.

Caleb hitched a breath, before he surged forward, catching Essek in a bruising kiss, his hands clawing at his thighs to hike up his robes.

Caleb’s hands found his small clothes, ripping them down roughly, and then his hands were on Essek, burning, rough and tight around his length. Essek felt his knees buckling and held on for dear life to the other man's coat lapels.

Caleb’s hot hand circled to the back of Essek’s thigh, before pulling one leg up around his waist and grinding them tightly to one another. The fine material of Caleb's dress robes rubbed up against him roughly, and Essek thrilled in the sensation of being so thinly separated from the hot, hard length that drove maddeningly against him. It wasn’t long before Caleb pulled away, cursing (or what sounded like it) in Zemnian.

"Gods Essek, these robes." He growled, frustration with the bunched material evident. Another string of swears followed.

Caleb grasped Esseks upper arms, roughly, drawing him away from the wall and turning him to face it. He reached around from behind to pull the neck of the robes wider, exposing Essek’s shoulders. Kissing across one side, Caleb slid his arms down Essek’s, taking his hands and placing them on the wall. His hands covering Essek’s, his kisses made their way to his ear, before a low, heated command left his lips, quietly but firmly.

"Stay"

Essek felt the heat rise in his cheeks again, and let his forehead fall against the wooden wall as he exhaled, shakily.

Caleb’s hands smoothed back down Essek’s sides to his thighs, once again bunching the fabric of his robes, higher this time, over his hips, using the arch of his spine fully expose Essek. The hands then grasped his hips, sharply pulling the drow flush with his own, grinding hard up against him.

"I am going to have you. Right here. You are going to take what I give you. Understood?"

Essek burned. He groaned in confirmation, pushing his hips back to meet Caleb's.

The nails of Caleb's left hand dug in sharply to Essek’s hipbone, making him gasp. He almost didn't notice the right hand disappear, until he caught the sounds of Caleb unfastening his own belt. Twisting his head and placing his cheek against the wall, he caught Caleb crudely licking his own palm before slicking his length.

Essek felt heat shoot through him, and couldn't help the feral, needy noise that escaped him as Caleb kicked his legs apart and rubbed himself against Essek’s entrance.

Kissing his shoulders, Caleb reached his other hand around to palm Essek’s cock. A few deft strokes, and Caleb slowly began to press forward.

It wasn't easy, but neither of them wanted easy. The sharp pain shone through Essek, yet Caleb's hand steadily working his cock made him writhe pushing back Further. More.

When Essek let out a particularly sharp gasp, Caleb stilled, peppering kisses across his shoulders. Working his cock until the Drow started to writhe, pushing back again, Caleb stilled his hips and drew back a small amount, before commencing short thrusts. The motion was maddening. Not enough. The pleasure overtook the sharp ache, working him shallowly around the other man's girth.

Essek was going crazy.

"Just fuck me" he ground out "I won't break"

Caleb’s tone was low and rough as he replied "Yes you will. Just not permanently."

Essek let out a frustrated moan as the words sank into him, pushing back. Gods, yes. Break me. "Please" he panted

Caleb again pulled away, and Essek was preparing to call him something very colourful, when Caleb's hand once again found Essek’s hair, fisting and pulling, making the drows back arch, as his other hand gripped his hip and steadily pulled Essek fully down on his cock. They had only been halfway. Gods. He thought he was ready. He was ready. It was too much. It was everything he needed. Essek groaned as the full length settled inside him.

Essek didn't know how Caleb knew, but he needed it. He needed the burning pain. He needed the closeness. He writhed.

Caleb didn't give him much time before he started moving in earnest. His hand moved from Essek’s hair to his shoulder, giving him leverage to maintain the punishing pace. Essek’s nails bit into the wood, bracing himself, head pillowed against his own arm.

The pain of being so forcefully opened was blending with the pleasurable stretching movement of being fucked. Every thrust was brushing the depth inside him, slowly building pressure in his gut. When Caleb's freshly spit slicked palm wrapped around him, he knew he didn't have long.

"Oh fuck" he spat "Fuck, fuck, Caleb..."

Seemingly understanding, Caleb started fucking into Essek harder, bruisingly. His head pressed against Essek’s exposed shoulders, his teeth sank in to the muscle.

Everything went white.

Essek came hard, screaming wordlessly. Caleb followed, pumping hot and deep into Essek, half snarling, half groaning into Essek’s sweat slicked skin.

Essek didn't know how long they stayed there. Panting. Pressed together. Slowly, Caleb slipped out of Essek and placed a kiss on the nape of his neck. Essek shifted, straightening his back and dropping his robes back over his legs. How long had they been in that position? Now he was back to his senses, his joints ached.

Essek cleared his throat, breaking the silence.

"My ears are ringing. And I need... Water."

Behind him, Caleb laughed and wrapped his arms around Essek’s middle. Essek turned in his arms, searching Caleb's face for any sign of what he was thinking.

"Well that was quite the scream. I will get you water. And maybe... a Cleric?" He added, tone hesitant and apologetic.

"No." Essek said sharply, and then more calmly "No. No thank you. I would like to remember this... Lesson."

Essek, carefully watching Caleb's expression, was sure the heat flared in his eyes again.

"So..." Caleb asked, hesitantly "That was... I mean to say... It was welcome?"

"Yes. It was exactly what I needed. My brain stopped working for..."

"47 minutes." Caleb supplied

"For a whole 47 minutes." Essek continued to study Caleb's face "How did you know?"

Caleb’s eyes darted away "Well. We are... We have similar... Dispositions. I know that I sometimes need... That."

Well.

"Oh". His voice came out far rougher than anticipated. Essek knew, from the way Caleb looked back up sharply at him that the single word had given away quite how that thought had affected him. No hiding it now.

"Well if I can ever return the favour..." he offered

"Oh, my friend, aren't we over favours?" Caleb retorted

Essek smiled, somewhat sadly. The world was coming back to him. The reality of his situation once again crashing down.

"I suppose I'll never be able to repay my existing debts to you, now."

"You hold no debts to us Essek. Only to yourself. Only to those who..." Caleb cleared his throat, stepping back "Water. You needed water."

Caleb started to cross the room, to the door.

"We...I... I can make it... Better?"

His voice felt, strange. Small.

The question trembled between them. Caleb removed his hand from the door and looked back at Essek.

"You can only try. We can all try. But I think that we can, even in a small way. And we don't do it alone. You aren't alone, Essek."

With another small smile, Caleb left the room.

**Author's Note:**

> Pals. Episode 97 sent me feral.


End file.
